What Is a Romance Scam?

The romance scammer connects with the potential victim using social media or online dating sites. To initiate a conversation, the perpetrator may send the same starting message to a large number of accounts at the same time. When pursuing their target, the scammer attempts to appear trustworthy and successful.

It is typical for romance scammers to claim that they work in a prestigious field, such as military, doctor, engineer, or company manager. However, we have noticed that the professions claimed by perpetrators are changing with the times. Increasingly often, fake profiles claim to be working on a construction site, as a restaurant shift manager, or as a fitness instructor at a gym, for example. 

To support their lies, the perpetrator uses pictures of people who actually work in these professions. Occasionally, they also use foreign public figures as their images, such as those shared online by European politicians or Asian musicians. In addition to this, the perpetrator may also pretend to be a celebrity, such as a musician or, for example, an actor. 

The fake profiles used by scammers range from very imaginative to quite ordinary and believable. There are ways to identify a romance fraudster by looking at both the contact person’s profile and evaluating the content of their messages. 

Building trust deepens emotional commitment, making victims more likely to send money to the scammer later. The perpetrator reinforces trust through manipulation techniques such as romantic conversations, promises about the future, love letters, exchanging photos, and sending gifts such as flowers, jewelry, and sweets. 

Frequent messaging and declarations of love, as well as the impression of similarity given by the perpetrator, reinforce the victim’s attachment. Deepening feelings open the way for the scammer’s social isolation. The perpetrator creates a bubble around the victim, isolating them from doubts, concerns, and the opinions of others.

At this stage, loved ones often notice changes in the victim, such as increased energy, buying new clothes or makeup, paying more attention to appearance, new plans for the future, and talk of getting rich or future trips. In practice, the victim’s infatuation appears like any other new meaningful and romantic relationship. The relationship’s deepening is noticeable to loved ones, even if the victim never mentions their new conversation partner.

The situation can be compared to when someone close to us falls in love – the storm of emotions is visible and audible. The person experiencing it begins to glow with a new kind of joy and happiness. If you suspect that someone close to you may be the victim of a romance scam, you can find instructions on how to bring up the subject on the Nettideittiturva website. 

As the relationship continues, it becomes increasingly meaningful to the victim. This makes them willing to ignore warning signs and possible gaps in the perpetrator’s stories. It is difficult for the victim to spot gaps and inconsistencies in the scammer’s stories. The scammer adds to their story gradually, step by step, making it hard to grasp the story as a whole.

Building trust can take days, weeks, or months, even more than a year, before moving on to the next stage. 

The third stage of romance fraud is called the turning point, the money stage, or the sting. At this stage the romance bubble bursts and the scammer shifts the conversation to money. Once the perpetrator has gained the victim’s trust, they begin asking for money. Usually at this stage, the scammer is certain they will succeed in their scam. 

Often, the perpetrator claims to urgently need financial help from the victim, for example, to enable a first face-to-face meeting or to avoid a crisis situation in their everyday life. The alleged situation may be related to work, delayed wages, canceled flights, lost documents, postal, customs, or hospital fees, or an emergency involving a loved one. 

What these situations have in common is urgency. The victim is pressured and made to feel guilty which lead to making quick decisions involving large sums of money. Scammers try to obtain money in many different ways, including:

• Bank transfers
• International transfer services
• Gift cards (increasingly often)
• Fake investment sites
• Cryptocurrency sent to the scammer’s crypto wallet.

In the case of bank transfers, especially when the victim receives and transfers money, there is a risk that they will be considered guilty of money laundering.

Several studies have identified a very common, though not always realized, a stage of sexual exploitation in romance scams. At this stage, the perpetrator steers the conversation toward sexual topics and asks the victim to send intimate photos or videos. This not only increases tension in the relationship but also provides the criminal with material for blackmail.

It has also been suggested that the perpetrator wants to humiliate and dehumanize their victim, while also enjoying their power over them. The fact that many victims call their experience ”emotional rape” underscores the seriousness of this abuse.

If the perpetrator does not steer the conversation toward sexual topics, they continue with romantic conversation and manipulation. This ensures the relationship of trust between the perpetrator and the victim remains intact. The stages of building trust and new requests for money follow each other almost endlessly. This usually continues until the victim can no longer send money due to their worsening financial situation. Alternatively, it may stop if they begin to suspect the perpetrator and refuse to send money.

At this stage, the victim may gradually begin to have doubts about the situation. They may begin to question the perceived romance and share their suspicions with loved ones or the perpetrator. The perpetrator has two options: they can disappear from the conversation (ghosting), or they can try to strengthen the emotional bond with the victim. In the latter case, they aim to convince the victim of their trustworthiness so the deception can continue.

Most often, a victim’s suspicions are triggered by one of several factors: their own investigations into the scammer’s background, which reveal contradictions, or the sudden disappearance of the perpetrator (often when the victim has run out of money). Warnings and concerns expressed by loved ones or other outsiders can also raise suspicions.

A loved one or professional must be very sensitive when bringing up the possibility of romance fraud. Missteps can make the victim refuse to face reality, deepening their attachment to the perpetrator, whom they see as safe.

All in all, discovering that the relationship is a lie is a very traumatic and distressing experience for the victim.

When the victim realizes they have been deceived, the effects of the romance scam begin to surface in their life. Sometimes, even when the deception is obvious, the victim refuses to believe it. They may begin searching for alternative explanations or reinterpretations of what happened.

This is called Cognitive Dissonance, which is a psychological conflict that happens when a person has conflicting beliefs or ideas. 

Although the search for alternative explanations may seem naive or ignorant to outsiders, it is understandable from the victim’s perspective. Dealing with what has occurred is extremely difficult for them. When the victim does not accept what has happened, they may also delay facing the consequences.

They also might ignore their financial losses and cling to the hope of getting their money back. This is one reason some victims want to stay in touch with the perpetrator even after the scam is exposed. Breaking contact would also mean finally accepting the loss of their money.

In reality, continuing contact will not lead to the recovery of the money. Instead, it increases the risk of relapse, i.e. returning to a romantic or trusting relationship with the perpetrator. Sending money and maintaining contact may stop and start repeatedly before the victim is ready to accept the reality.

Even after this, the scammer may persistently try to maintain contact. Messages and calls may come from new numbers and new profiles. The scammer may also continue to contact the victim using the same contact details. Receiving unwanted calls and messages may continue for weeks or even months. This is why it is particularly important for the victim to have the strength to block the perpetrator’s attempts to contact them.

It is up to the victim to decide whether to report the crime and how to deal with what has happened. Without proper processing of the experience, there is a high risk that the victim will be scammed again. Without support or someone to talk to, victims face an increased risk of suicide or self-harm. That is why it is particularly important to ensure that the victim is not left alone with their situation.

Read our article about ending communicating with a romance scammer

Traditional bank transfers are still a common method used by romance scammers to obtain money. In Finland, several million euros are transferred to perpetrators via banks every year. Banks monitor international transfers closely, so romance fraudsters increasingly use alternative methods to pressure victims into sending money.

Sometimes the perpetrator asks the victim to transfer money due to a fictitious emergency, and may instruct the victim to transfer money to the bank account of an ”acquaintance” or ”colleague.” This is a sign of an attempt to launder money using so-called mule accounts. 

To appear legitimate, romance scammers often circulate money received via bank transfers through other people’s accounts. Often, the actual owner of the bank account is also a victim of romance fraud. They have been persuaded to receive and forward money according to the perpetrator’s instructions. The network of mule accounts consisting of romance fraud victims can extend globally. 

Money laundering is a financial crime. Many Finnish romance scam victims, manipulated by perpetrators, have accepted money and have been later charged with money laundering. They have not gained any criminal benefit from their actions and were unaware that they were committing any crime. 

Criminals also favor international money exchange and transfer services such as PayPal, Western Union, MoneyGram, and Ria Transfer. They offer their customers more privacy than traditional banks. Complex money transfer and currency regulations in different countries aim to prevent money laundering. However, they can sometimes make it easier for criminals to launder money through international services.

Cryptocurrencies, which have become increasingly popular in recent years, are a dream tool for cybercriminals. Cryptocurrencies are digital currencies based on blockchain technology. They operate on a decentralized network without central control from governments or banks.

Cryptocurrencies are transferred between personal wallet addresses. The best-known cryptocurrency is Bitcoin, but there are thousands of other virtual currencies in the world. 

Cryptos are used as part of a combination of investment scams and romance scams (romance baiting). In this type of fraud, a new acquaintance met on a dating service convinces the victim to invest in a fraudulent crypto site. The money then ends up in the hands of criminals.

Various gift cards also facilitate the activities of scammers. They can be used to defraud people of money without any supervisory authority being able to intervene. Gift cards are widely sold in grocery stores and kiosks. Cards are available from app store cards to credit card company cards. 

The perpetrator pressures the victim to buy a gift card under the pretext of some fictitious emergency. Exhausted by emotional abuse and manipulation, the victim hands over the card details to the perpetrator. The perpetrator then uses the card’s funds or sells the card.

Perpetrators also ask for gift cards because they obscure the real value of the money. It can be difficult to grasp the amounts lost in the form of gift cards.