The Romance Scam Recovery project always recommends cutting off contact in situations where there is reason to suspect that the other party is a romance scammer. However, even if you are certain that you are being scammed, it is not always easy to stop communicating. Long-term communication may have become a daily routine and a habit. In addition, it can be difficult to give up on the dream of a relationship that has developed. However, cutting off contact with the other person is essential in order to successfully end the scam.
Romance scammers hook their victims into connection
It is no coincidence that romantic messaging is difficult to stop. Sending messages filled with excessive compliments is a tactic used by romance fraudsters to try to make the victim infatuated and even become addicted on the conversation. This kind of psychological manipulation is emotional and digital abuse, not a safe online romance.
Amidst the beautiful messages and daily declarations of love, it can be hard to believe that the sender of the messages would want anything bad. Ending contact with someone who seems nice and interesting may seem strange at first; ”why would I stop messaging someone who is so nice and interested in me?”
Once the perpetrator’s love bombing has worked and has gotten their victim interested in them, they begin to build an even stronger relationship of trust. Once the trust is strong enough, the scammer begins to make requests for money, which increase over time. The money is requested using lies that appeal to emotions and create a sense of urgency.
Some people who have sought help from The Romance Scam Recovery Project’s services have told that they did not immediately cut off contact with their messaging partner once the situation was revealed to be a scam. They continued to chat with the perpetrator because they thought that as long as the chat continued, the relationship might turn out to be real after all. They also kept in touch in the hope that they might get back the money they had lost to the scammer.
Why is it so difficult to stop messaging?
Humans have a basic psychological need for connection and love. For this reason alone, it is difficult to ignore a new acquaintance who confesses their admiration and love. Who wouldn’t be affected by beautiful messages and daily declarations of love?
People who have sought our project’s support have found frequent communication and a large number of incoming messages to be both addictive and confusing. Some of those who have experienced a romance scam say that they felt as if they were under some kind of spell. One person told that their mind was divided in two because of the situation; one half believed in the relationship and the other half knew that it was a scam, but these two halves never met.
When someone is infatuated and in love, they tend to overlook their new partner’s less attractive qualities. If the story concocted by the romance scammer does not quite hold together and has gaps the size of an oil rig, the infatuated mind tries to explain away the inconsistencies so that they do not stand in the way of the budding online romance.
One of the victims described how the relationship became a bubble supported by the scammer’s lies, which nothing could burst.
Romance scammers blur their victims’ perception of the situation with their convoluted stories. One of the victims told that they began to doubt their own memory in the face of the perpetrator’s confusing and complex lies. Even if doubts about the true nature of the situation arise at some point, the question may still linger in the back of the mind: what if this is real?
From recognizing a scam to cutting off contact
Despite the difficulty, it is possible to end a suspicious online relationship. First, it is a good idea to make sure that it is actually a scam. If you suspect that your online romance is a scam based on the following signs of romance scams, you should break off contact immediately:
- Who made the first contact: Almost without exception, romance fraudsters send the first message.
- Switching from one app to another: Soon after establishing contact, fraudsters try to move the conversation to private messaging platforms (e.g., Telegram, WhatsApp, Signal) to make it more difficult to monitor and trace.
- Close contact: Scammers use intensive messaging to build trust and hook you into the conversation.
- Strong emotions: Scammers pretend to be infatuated – often from the very first message.
- Money and valuables: This is the reason why criminals approach people online in the first place. A person’s profile may be convincing in every way and their story believable, but when they ask for something, alarm bells should start ringing. In addition to money, they may ask for gift cards, phones, or cryptocurrency, for example.
Scammers rely on their victims being so confused by the situation that it is difficult for them to walk away. According to some victims they did not end the conversation after the scam was revealed because they wanted to have the last word with the scammer to ease their mind.However, directing your anger at cybercriminals is risky; as long as the connection is open, they can regain the upper hand and continue the scam.
Successful disengagement requires silence
To end the scam, it is best not to respond to the perpetrator’s messages. The perpetrators want to prolong the scam and keep in touch with victims from whom they can still expect money. Therefore, they may initially torment you by bombarding you with messages. Successfully ending the conversation may require several months of radio silence.
Not responding to messages can also help you recover from the incident; radio silence can give the victim a sense of power and reinforce their own boundaries. Blocking the romance scammer’s social media profile and phone number helps. After this, you may receive phishing messages from other suspicious accounts for a while, and these should also be ignored. Changing your phone number and email address is also a good option.
Cutting off contact with a scammer can leave a void in your life that is difficult to fill. In order to successfully cut off communication, it is worth considering what you could do in your daily life to replace messaging. It is also important to think about meaningful alternatives for yourself so that you can protect yourself from scams in the future. You don’t have to completely change your life, but even small things can have a big impact.
Please remember, whenever you interact with a suspicious person online, you expose yourself and your loved ones to danger, as perpetrators carefully review people’s social media friend lists to find new victims. Prolonging the conversation in the hope of revenge and getting your money back teaches them to act even better and more believably in the future.