“I don’t understand. How on earth do people fall for romance scams?”
It can be difficult for an outsider to understand the experience of a romance scam, especially the fact that someone would send money to a person they met online. Compared to other types of online fraud, victims of romance scams lose much more than just money. They are often subjected to months or even years of emotional abuse, manipulation, and financial exploitation. After the truth has been revealed, they are left with financial ruin, broken relationships, heartbreak, and crippling shame.
At the societal level, victims of fraud are treated rather coldly and blamed for being gullible and stupid. Considering that romance scams and other emotional scams have increased globally in recent years, blaming the victims is not helpful. We should try to understand why online scammers get people to do what they want.
Romance scammers exploit human vulnerability
It can be difficult to consider the victim of a romance scam as a victim of crime, partly because they voluntarily send money to their messaging partner. In reality, romance scam victims are subjected to systematic psychological manipulation by cybercriminals. People have many psychological vulnerabilities that romance scammers exploit in their attempts at manipulation:
1. Trust in authority
Anyone can claim to be anything online, which is why most online scams rely on false identities or misrepresentation. When approaching people on dating sites and social media platforms, romance scammers pretend to work in various high-status positions, such as doctors, officers, or engineers. A position of authority, whether genuine or feigned, enhances credibility and makes it easier to persuade another person.
Scammers also use fake job titles to make themselves seem interesting. Fascinating professions often take scammers’ fake profiles to distant countries and complex situations. This is done to confuse the victim and hook them into communicating. Increasingly complex situations are scripted for future requests for money.
2. Approval and liking
It is more likely that we will give in to the advances and requests of someone who is perceived as attractive. Romance scammers use pictures of attractive people in their fake profiles, which are either stolen from others or created using AI. Posing as a public figure for the purpose of fraud is also a commonly used tactic.
When approaching people online, perpetrators try to be as pleasant as possible. Their messages are often overly familiar and warm from the very first message. Romance scammers also create an impression of similarity and togetherness by inquiring about their victims’ interests. They mirror the victim, claiming to like exactly the same things. Alleged connections to existing ties, such as family roots, are often used to create a sense of togetherness.
3. Commitment
One of the most important goals of a romance scammer is to get their victim to become committed to messaging and a false relationship. The victim is manipulated into thinking that they have decided to commit to their new acquaintance without any external pressure. In reality they may have been bombarded with flattering messages day and night for weeks. The perpetrator manipulates the victim through messaging to prevent them from questioning the motives of their new acquaintance.
The perpetrator may also reinforce the victim’s commitment by isolating them from their potentially concerned loved ones. For example, they can claim that the victim’s loved ones are just jealous or should not be trusted. A socially isolated victim of fraud is more likely to agree to requests for money. The victim may feel compelled to constantly fulfill the scammers’ demands or requests – until their finances collapse.
4. Sense of obligation and reciprocity
People are more likely to agree to requests made of them when they feel a sense of obligation or gratitude. Perpetrators promise gifts like money or jewelry to make victims feel obliged to agree to future requests. Scammers can heighten a victim’s sense of obligation by asking them to accept important documents, like passports or wills.
The sense of obligation can also be reinforced through reciprocal concessions. The scammer may initially ask for a large sum of money, which the victim may not agree to. Then the perpetrator ”agrees” to the refusal and makes a smaller request, which the victim feels obliged to accept. As the scam progresses, the scammer usually also demands the sum of money they requested earlier.
5. Urgency and concern
A businessman detained at customs abroad who needs money to be released; a soldier left without pay; a pediatrician injured in a car accident who is lying in a hospital and needs help paying medical bills. Creating a sense of urgency and distress in the victim is very typical of romance scams. Scammers often claim to be in an accident or urgent financial trouble to upset the victim and demand money quickly.
When a long-distance partner claims serious trouble, it’s hard to stay calm, increasing the risk of rash actions.
Besides fake emergencies, romance scammers demand constant, rapid communication, threatening to end contact if victims don’t comply. This puts people who are heavily committed to communicating under constant stress and pressure. Victims who are overcome by fear and distress are persuaded to send money to resolve increasingly complex situations.
6. Social proof
We tend to consider certain types of behavior appropriate if we imagine that others behave in the same way. Romance scammers exploit this tendency, convincing victims to send money for a fake emergency by claiming others are doing the same. They parade a whole cast of characters in front of their victims to support their stories.
If a scammer claims a serious accident, they may say others close to them are also contributing to hospital costs. They may claim that they are only asking the victim for small amounts compared to the money received from other helpers. Other characters in their scripts, alleged friends, family members, lawyers, immigration officials, and doctors, sometimes also contact the victims.
Romance scammers are not exceptionally skilled
Contrary to popular belief, scammers are not highly intelligent masterminds who hypnotize their victims in order to steal their money. Scams usually follow a specific script, with clearly defined steps that criminals follow. Perpetrators use tried-and-tested methods to exploit people’s natural vulnerabilities.
Beyond psychological vulnerabilities, scammers exploit belief systems, human frailty, and traits like thrill-seeking and altruism. Furthermore, inability to recognize one’s own mental, emotional, and financial limits, unfortunately fuel the manipulation of scammers.
Friendly messages from an attractive person on a dating site or social media appeal to people’s innate need to be loved. Perpetrators often increase their appeal by claiming to be widowed or on the verge of divorce. This creates a sense of identification with victims who are lonely or struggling with relationship problems. The perpetrator’s stories of loneliness or life challenges can evoke empathy and a desire to help, especially if the situation is perceived as urgent. In addition, the idea of a fateful encounter may make a person trust the perpetrator and commit to the relationship more readily.
What protects against romance scams?
Experiencing loneliness can make you vulnerable to romance scams, while good media literacy and critical thinking skills help you recognize scam attempts and protect yourself from them. Self-awareness and understanding of one’s own behavior and the impact of previous relationships on online relationships also act as protective factors. Feeling guilty or uncomfortable about requests for money, gift cards, or crypto currency is a warning to question the situation.
Blaming victims of romance scams could be reduced by understanding how criminals exploit people’s vulnerabilities. This understanding could increase sympathy for victims of romance scams.
Sources
Archer, Aaron K: ”I Made a Choice”: Exploring the Persuasion Tactics Used by Online Romance Scammers in Light of Cialdini’s Compliance Principles. Regis University Student Publications 2017. https://epublications.regis.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1830&context=theses
Collucia, Anna; Pozza, Andrea; Ferretti, Fabio; Carabellese, Fulvio; Masti, Alessandra; Gualtieri, Giacomo: Online Romance Scams: Relational Dynamics and Psychological Characteristics of the Victims and Scammers. A Scoping Review. Clinical Practice & Epidemiology in Mental Health vol. 16 2020, 24–35. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7254823/pdf/CPEMH-16-24.pdf